at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize