i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
