I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
