I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
