pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize