Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Found your dick twin last night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
