Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
