Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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