took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
