sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
