You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
