Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize