Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
