It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
