Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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