TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
