You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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