she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
