hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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