just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
as a side note pls kill me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
