I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
