he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
