so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
