if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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