So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
