Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
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