Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
