they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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