Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
where are you?
Hypothermia
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
