i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
