There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
