2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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