We're facebook friends in real life
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
