Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
