even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
