Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
