Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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