I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
