Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
