In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
