she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
