i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The struggles of a small town man whore
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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