As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Damn victory sex feels great
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
