I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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