Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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