at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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