I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
