When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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