talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
