I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
