at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
