I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
