Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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