having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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