who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
