fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize