just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize