Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
