I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize