Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
