After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
