Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
