A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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