That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
