Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
