Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize