I skipped work to stalk him.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
