I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
