I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
