I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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