You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
