for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
